Letter No. 5
Sorry, but Trueapprox. 10 minute read, or 15 minute listen | first performed at Books Without Covers #13, Theatre im Kino, Berlin
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“We drive out into the Uckermark to tank up on green and take Tilly the Terrier for walks. Swimming in the lake where Frau Merkel also has her weekend dips, I wonder if this pond has hidden security or if Frau M does her Arschbomben from a helicopter.” |
Letter No. 4Learning Te reo Maori at 90 & The awful German Languageapprox. 14 minute read | guest letter, Mildred Collis Scott
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“I wanted to say that I did enjoy the Mark Twain piece you sent. I had the same problem myself. Taking offence really at the fact that, although I could stand the genders (in German), I just couldn’t forgive them for retaining those case endings!” |
Letter No. 3Bullshitlandapprox. 6 minute read
first published on http://thelocal.de/expatdispatches |
“Antipodeans suffer terribly from instant-expertism and I – with my shaky command of German – am a case in point. But it is only when I buy into the myth that Herr Klein has constructed around me, as a peerless example of Integration, that I truly cross over into Bullshitland...” |
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Letter No. 2The Wrong Languageapprox. 4 minute read |
first published on http://thelocal.de/expatdispatches |
“In typically fickle fashion I changed languages after one week of German instruction. Partially because of my instinctive rejection of a language which forced me to listen until the end of a sentence to get the full meaning of what was being said. I was now living the nightmare of that illogical logic every day.” |
Letter No. 1The English Shelvesapprox. 8 minute read
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“Achso, I reply, frantically fishing for correct grammar and finding only a close approximation; then would it possibility be for you to be ringing the other shops, and to interrogate them all if they are having the same something? Frau Verkäuferin raised a skeptical eyebrow...” |